White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders announced today that in the wake of the shooting massacre at a high school in Florida, where 17 youth and adults perished, President Donald Trump had asked Counselor Kelly Ann Conway to organize a school safety summit where domestic violence would not be supported. Mrs. Sanders announced that while the guest list has not been finalized, the key note speaker would be Charlton Heston and that the event would be underwritten by Remington Arms, with refreshments donated by the Sackler Family. When a member of the press asked Mrs. Sanders about reports that Charlton Heston had died in 2008, Mrs. Sanders huddled briefly with one of her deputies and then said, “Thank you for that alternative fact, but what you didn’t hear me say was that the key note speaker will be Wayne LaPierre.”