In the wake of Wednesday’s massacre of 17 youth and adults at a high school in Florida, the American president Donald Trump has decided to convene a school safety summit, where domestic violence will not be supported. While the guest list has not been finalized, White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders announced that the key note speaker would be Charlton Heston and the event would be managed by Counselor Kelly Ann Conway. The event is to be underwritten by Remington Arms, with refreshments provided by the Sackler Family. Upon the announcement, a pool reporter asked Mrs. Sanders about reports that Charlton Heston had died in 2008, whereupon Mrs. Sanders huddled briefly with her deputy and upon returning to the microphone said, “Thank you for that alternative fact. I meant to say Wayne LaPierre would be the key note speaker.”