Illustration for article titled Protip: Avoid Toshibia Satellite laptops

I’ve owned two of them and they’ve done nothing but raise my blood pressure. They legitimately cannot be called anything but absolutely fucking terrible pieces of shit.


The first one was purchased back in 2008 and started fine except that the screen kept deteriorating and it would constantly overheat. A cooling pad and careful use and cleaning solved the latter problem but the screen just kept deteriorating until it just became unusable and then I bought a second Satellite because the guy at the Staples store said they are a lot better now and I believed him. Big mistake. It runs cool at least but it freezes and crashes randomly (especially at startup) and the actual touchpad is misaligned with the bits underneath so not only is the touchpad wonky to use but when you type things the movement of your palms will cause random commands to happen including selecting and deleting the text you’re working on. It’s nothing short of a nightmare laptop and I seriously regret buying a higher-end, more reliable model used if I needed an absolute bargain laptop that badly. Really it’s no good for anything but media streaming and web browsing, if that.

In short, I want to throw it out my second story window, stomp on it with my motorcycle boots, run it over with my SUV until there are barely any recognizable bits left and then go down to Staples and punch the guy who said “oh no they’re reliable I use them all the time myself.”


Also, Satellite is a stupid fucking name for a laptop, don’t care if it’s also a Mopar or not.

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