Rental car roulette, CHOSE YOUR FIGHTER

With the Oppomeet on Mallorca (a Spanish island) mere days away, It is time to introduce our fighters. When our fighters are known, it is time to speculate about their upcoming rental steeds.

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Our fighters

Our six fighters are introduced below.

The Captain

The Captain, better known as Schaefft (which is almost German for ship), likes motorboating. The bigger the ship, the more excited he gets. Lincoln Mark many, Opel Senator, Renault Safrane, Audi S8, BMW E39, and many more. He has sailed them all. Although he started out in the east of Germany, all his boat anchors are currently located on the British isles.

The Captain with his Senator, stranded on a mountain.

Weaknesses:

  • Sometimes gets stranded when diesel is mistaken for gasoline.
  • Running aground on a mountain, due to a lack of (contained) coolant.

Strengths:

  • Can summon a large fleet.

The American

Every European adventure needs an American. gmporschenut, sometimes shortened to GM as he is American, is the American in this adventure. He not only likes GM and Porsche vehicles, he also likes Hondas. This fits the melting pot heritage of his native lands.

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Weaknesses:

  • He has no weaknesses, he is The American

Strengths:

  • Knows his way around airplanes. And sheep. And taking FWD Audis offroad.

The Ice Cream Man

The Ice Cream Man, sometimes know as a chinnyraccoon, is a man of many qualities. He uses an MR2 to wade through deep water, rustles Jimnies in a Suzuki Ji.. Ignis but more importantly uses an Mazda MX-5 swapped ice cream van to scare English and maybe even Welsh kids.

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There it is, hiding on the right. The ice cream van.

Weaknesses:

Strengths:

  • Is experienced in dealing with shitty rentals.

The Stranger

The Stranger is unknown to Oppositelock, but some know him by the name of ‘Fritz’. He comes from the fairy tail land of Luxembourg, which has a population of roughly 1. He combines the ownership of a heavily modified Rover SD1 with a Nissan GTR (R35). He was once caught looking for used Suzuki Swifts after having taken his GTR on its maiden voyage. One can only speculate what a Luxembourger wants to use a Suzuki for after having driven a GTR, but it can only mean death and destruction.

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Finding information about The Stranger remains difficult.

Weaknesses:

  • Unknown

Strengths:

  • Out of this group, the stranger is clearly the one who will look best in a pink Nissan Micra.
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The Teacher

Nothing is unknown to The Teacher. Known to many as Klaus Schmoll, he is the only wagon driver of the bunch. In the distant past he double crossed the Soviets, shortly before their demise. Now he lives on Hitler’s favorite ‘Kraft durch Freude’ (KdF) holiday island. It’s easy to see there is more to The Teacher than what meets the eye.

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A heavy party in the back. Has he been smuggling?

Weaknesses:

  • Not a fan of the KdF wagen
  • Can only be dispatched in selected weeks of the year

Strengths:

  • Will make a great duo with The Stranger when combined in a Nissan Micra.



Your author

I am not going to disclose any information here, but speculation is welcome. With some kinja-fu the backstory becomes obvious. Or simply make up your own in the comments below.

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The challenge

Please speculate on the following:

  • Who will come out ahead, and why?
  • Which rentals do our fighters DESERVE?
  • Which rentals are the fighters likely to get?
  • Anything else that requires speculation. Like will Brexit happen when we are on Mallorca? Show we grow mustaches for Movember?
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Disclaimer: all rentals are booked individually. As far as we know everyone booked in an ‘or similar’ category.

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