If your Ford had a Matthew McConaughey, it would be a Lincoln

Scary Bird

This one’s not a chicken. Nope. Not at all.

Also, I know it’s probably “sweater,” but the snuggly sweat candle-crop makes me giggle. Sweat candle!

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About the author

Stef Schrader

Contributor, Jalopnik. 1984 "Porschelump" 944 race car, 1971 Volkswagen 411 race car, 2010 Mitsubishi Lancer GTS.