(Some Adult Language and a Funny Ending Ahead)

PART 1 (no vaseline):

Let’s get down to business, shall we: even if it’s corrected tonight, MY ENTIRE HOLIDAY WEEKEND HAS BEEN RUINED.

Why, you ask? Because I found out the hard way that my mortgage company auto debited my bank account twice to the point that I have a negative balance. Went to bed last night with big positive account balance. While at my desk at work today, I checked my balance and to see what other bills I could pay. NOPE!!!, just a big ass negative amount!

So I rush home to gather some documents to review before I call my mortgage company. As you can image, I’m beyond angry. I’m actually physically shaking because I’m so pissed. But I keep my cool because I know I’m going to get a rep on the phone that had nothing to do with this fuck up on her company’s part.


So we’re talking. I explain that you just took a payment a couple a days ago as agreed for June, but for whatever reason, July gets pulled today instead of the arranged day that was agreed upon back at the being of June. As expected, she apologies as any good employee would do on behalf of their company when a mistake is made. I explain that her company has wiped out my bank account on a holiday weekend and not only that I have a large negative balance and will be hit with overdraft fees, that I will have no means to function the rest of the weekend.

The tone of her voice changes because she realizes this hurts me. She does a little research and realizes that it hadn’t processed yet on their end and was still pending with my bank. Because its in that special purgatory that all electronic transactions have to go through, she advised me that I had to contact my bank and have them dispute it on my behalf. I start to crack a little – I’m pleading with her to do something, taking deep breaths, sudden realization that I had not eaten at all up to this point (hypoglycemic FTW).


A she apology again and briefly re-explains that her hands are tied and I need to call my bank. In response, I could barely muster an “OK”. So she gives me the usually closing spiel and I start to respond in kind to thank her.

I never finished. Before I could, she asks if I want to rate her level of customer service….

In hindsight, the poor lady was sooo on autopilot that she forgot just that quickly that I was not in a right state of mind. In the 5 seconds of silence between her request I went from HULK MOTHERFUCKING SMASH!!!!!!!!!!! to quiet reserve. I quietly and gently responded “I’m going to hang up now”.


And I did.

So I composed myself and called the bank. TBH, I was on the phone twice as long as with the other. But everything went as smoothly as possible. Because of the electronic legalities, the best they could do for me is file a dispute with the mortgage company and the earliest I could get a resolution is after 10pm EST tonight. It’s no guarantee, but it’s better than nothing. Plus my rep was sooo super cool that I actually wished she had asked me to rate her performance. On a scale of 1-10, she gets a 100 in my book!


**Sigh** …thank goodness I had sense enough to go grocery shopping earlier in the week or I’d be totally FUBAR’d. ...and I have enough vodka!

—End of part 1—

Stay tuned for part two which will hopefully involve video footage from my dash cam complete with crazy folks losing their goddamn minds and an appearance of an Infiniti FX35 just like this one:


And a funny ending!