Even though I had no interest whatsoever in watching our failing ungrateful sad disloyal crooked weak little-hand-owner in chief speak at length, for some reason my wife really wanted to watch the SOTU. Then she yelled at the tv a lot.

I tried to make sure that we were suitably intoxicated before the speech started, but at some point I had to get up and make my wife another brandy old fashioned because smoke was starting to come out of her ears.

Here is a selection of some but not all of the things she yelled:

I don’t even want to know what he’s saying anymore, I just want to see who’s not going to clap.

Do you see Schumer’s face? And the Congressional Black Caucus isn’t moving!

It’s the only thing you’ve done all year you ding dong!

Ewwww look at Mitch McConnell’s face! He looks like he’s ready to go underground.

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(Sees Ivanka and Jared) EWWWWW Barbie and Ken!!!!! Ken and Barbie!

DISASTROUS HO-PAMA-CARE????

Ooooh lookit lookit did you see it did you see it did you see it Bernie Sanders not clapping!!! Did you see it! That whole democratic party they weren’t clapping at all and they had to sit through all that!

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“That man who owns that company that’s doing so well” he doesn’t even remember that guy’s name!

I CAN JUST HEAR MIKA AND JOE RIGHT NOW IN THEIR LIVING ROOM JUST UUUUGGGGHHH HATE WATCHING IT.

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When are you gonna be done? Dude.

FREE MELANIA!

That’s not something to be proud of, most of those are environmental protections!

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EWWWW you gross smug Paul Ryan!!!!

Thankfully at some point during the speech my sister who is in grad school called me freaking out that her computer was dying and doing some weird boot loop that kicked her into the BIOS and I somehow was able to talk her through getting it to boot back into Windows, which was frustrating, but at least I wasn’t watching the state of the union for that period of time.

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We tried to watch Joe Kennedy III’s rebuttal speech but lost interest at some point and turned it off, even though he was wearing copious amounts of lip balm.