You know, besides getting so pissed off and disgusted at the market last time I did this I insisted on a custom machined 17" set of these because everything else was shit.

But it’s okay. It’s okay. Deep breaths. I’m better now, because this is a late model and therefore I can...

... not completely lose my shit over ...

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... a small portion of the market being half a step removed from ‘spinners.’ I can handle this. I can do this.

<clicks 17" OE, 18" +1>

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... god I wish I could actually trust sub-$200 wheels because, guys? That? That right there? THAT is a post-Wagoneer Jeep wheel. Simple. Chunky. No nonsense.

... WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE OH MY FUCKING GODS NOT ONLY COULD I STRANGLE YOU ALL BUT I ABSOLUTELY SHOULD JUST FOR THE FAKE BEAD LOCK BULLSHIT ALONE AND I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU PUT THESE ON YOUR JEEP I WILL STEAL THEM FOR YOUR OWN FUCKING GOOD AND THEN SET THEM ON FIRE AND ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH.

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<deep breaths> I’m calm, I’m ca<strangles the shit out of a bro-dozer owner> Okay. I’m calm. I’m better. Okay.

Man, why do these have to be Spork Edition? These are also excellent Jeep wheels. They will also be completely discolored within 3000 miles assuming one or more of them doesn’t simply bend in half first. Seriously. If you buy Spork Edition you are the fool parting with money. Pretty sure they were just waiting for Mille Miglia to go out of business so they could unveil the softest alloys ever known to man.

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<clicks 19" IMMEDIATELY REGRETS IT>
<insert seven hours of “SPOKES THAT THIN AREN’T APPROPRIATE FOR A FUCKING PORSCHE THAT WEIGHS HALF AS MUCH” and similar rants with fourteen hours of violence.>

Okay, so let’s try the Italians.

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Excuse me, I need clean pants.

OK. Japan, you’re up. You better bring your A game. SSR, you go first.

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I gotta use my imagination a little bit, but.. yeah, that’s pretty okay. And it can handle the weight, too! Not bad at all! Rays, your response?

... I dunno. I gotta see TE37's on a Jeep.

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<picks jaw up off floor> Uh. Yeah. That works. Good job, Rays. You make the list. Yokohama, you’re - oh, nothing to take the weight? No worries. Enkei, you got anything that doesn’t give me legal grounds to kill your “designers”?

I... uh.. wow. Not a huge fan of the fake bolts on the inner portion but, damn. That’s actually a really great entry. A+ for you guys too!

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Ronal, just... go home. You’re stealing other people’s homework again. And drunk. WORK, you can just go die in a fire. No, seriously. Fire. Go. Stand in it. Now. ... who’s this “Crimson Inc” joker trying to - no! I know who I like, g-

WELCOME ABOARD, YOU ARE NOW OFFICIALLY IN FOR LIFE. (But not for this car because not available in 5x5. It’s cool. We’ll talk.)

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Raguna Wheels, you said you had something for me? Let’s see <click...>

WAIT I’M NOT DO-

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<one ambulance ride later...> Okay so apparently you can hurt yourself that way. I guess it’s safe to look at this Frontline out of Hamamatsu, right?

Spoiler: IT WAS NOT. (If you don’t understand the lace thing, it’s these Jeep OE wheels.)

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So what do you think, Oppos? And yes, I know all about HRE - especially the 501's - but I am STRICTLY keeping it $750 and under per wheel. (But, hey, if any of you work at HRE and wanna ink a sponsorship deal? Call me!)