My dad and I haven’t enjoyed an ideal father-son relationship. In fact it was mostly terrible, but not “cut you out of my life” terrible except for a few times. Father’s Day remains one of the days where my stomach churns all day until I work up the nerve to call Dad with well-wishes and awkwardly run down the list of approved topics: His general state of being, my general state of being, his dogs, my dogs, his job, my job, his truck, my car, his wife, my husband, and finally the weather. It’s usually seven minutes or less although it feels like an awkward hour and a half.
Sometimes I feel guilty for not wishing I wanted more but relationships are like kinda like credit scores, where after so many years of acting as though it doesn’t matter, it’s hard to ever repair. I’d like to talk to him today if only to prevent myself from feeling guilty about not talking to him at a later date but I have a paper to write on motor vehicle death/injury prevention. At least I look forward to that, and graduating in a month.