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Darkness surrounds my life. I hate myself and literally everything right now. Life doesn’t have any joy, nor perhaps should it.

Last night, I got a report that someone tried to break into my mum’s house. Someone hurled a brick at the window but the window failed to break. I wonder if the previous tenant (tenant #1) did this.

Tenant #1 (the one that was evicted a couple days after tenants 2 and 3 moved in) was a trans girl that I wanted to help in her transition and stop her from becoming homeless. I did the critical crime of cheating on my girlfriend with this girl...My girlfriend told me I was immediately forgiven. Not long after, I broke up with her because I felt that she deserved someone better than someone like me and that I should be single. At least that way the only heart I destroy is my own. Then I tried to kill myself as punishment.

When that failed, I got a house and (stupidly) decided to move tenant #1 in to reduce the price of the mortgage and bills and to “save” her.

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She immediately performed a slightly hostile takeover of the house and started a drug operation. She was a drug drive-thru while she often treated me as less than human. I slowly became a prisoner in my own home. She was even going to buy an illegal gun in case a deal went bad. I allowed it to happen because I thought (as I still do now) that I deserved it.

My parents found out and planned to evict her, but she caught on and moved herself out, taking my tv with her. My parents confronted her about the tv, in which her response was to move back in to spite my parents. She pushed one my two new tenants, earning herself an Order of Protection. Her new best friend - the next door neighbor - decided to insert herself into the situation by attempting to get an OP against us (failed). Poop got thrown at the house and a window also got destroyed. Despite everything, they won the court case.

These new two tenants are making life almost as much as hell. They stole $300 by breaking into my room and stealing my debit card while I slept. Tenant 3 smokes a pack of cigarettes a day and try to make me pay for them..That’s after they stole a flashlight from Walmart then “returned” it to buy...you guessed it, cigarettes. All that’s on top of having to watch and hear tenant 3 get savagely beaten every single day by tenant 2. Tenant 2 has a mountain of child porn on his computer and stalks teenage girls from those “scared straight” shows. He catfishes them with a fake Facebook and tells them he’s going to murder their family if they don’t send nudes. Tenant 3 protected 2 by wiping the hard drive and disposed of the computer. She too is taking over the house because we have chosen to evict her domestic abuser boyfriend because we’re just not going to sit there and watch and have the police called to my house multiple times a week. Not even the other two cars are safe now, despite being at my parents’ house.

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All of the bad things in life are seemingly blending together. I still haven’t had the time to even process my breakup and it’s nearly 6 months later. Tenants 2 and 3 were moved in by my parents to leverage out tenant 1...Guess that was a mistake.

In the end, all of this is my fault. Had I never met that girl, had I never cheated, had I never moved them in...I deserve this. My parents don’t deserve this on them. We’re being attacked because of my stupid choices. There’s nothing to stop this. The county Sheriff is no help. We’re placing cameras, but what then? They’ll just burn down both houses.

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I considered an inert gas today. I didn’t do it, though the mindset is still lingering there. I’m going to sign off and seek some help. I’ll be back sometime in the future, though I cannot say when. Good night, Oppo.

If you made it to the end, have a RHD mail Jeep in Milwaukee.