Here’s how the conversation went down:

Dude: “I’m buying a... 1998... BMW... 318... ti.”

Me: “Okay, what parts are you looking for?”

Dude: “Everything.”

Me: “...Everything?”

Dude: “Yes. It has 175,000 miles, pretend nothing has been done to it.”

Me: “Uh sir, ‘everything’ is a little broad...”

Dude: “Yeah I know.”

Me: “Okay if you’d like to narrow it down for me-”

Dude: “Everything.”

Me: ...

Dude: “What would you do to a car that’s had nothing done in 175,000 miles?”

Light it on fire?

Dude: “Okay, let’s start with spark plugs”

Me: “Sure thing. Are you looking for iridium, platinum, or copper-”

Dude: “Then look up an air filter, cabin air filter, oil filter, transmission filter, brake rotors, brake pads, oil, transmission fluid, power steering fluid, and brake fluid. Tell me if you have any of those in stock.”

Me: “Okay let me look those up for you.” *spends a long time locating all those parts in the parts system*

Me: “Okay so you’re looking for *lists all parts*, correct?”

Dude: “No, I’m looking for everything.

At this point I want to ask him if he wants a new clutch, transmission, engine block, pistons, etc.

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Me: “Okay, such as-”

Dude: “You know, let me come up with a list and then call you back.”

Me: “That would be great”

He hangs up, never calls back.

The joys of working at an auto parts store.