A month later, I get a letter from Kaiser Permanente (my old provider) asking if I want to “challenge” myself by allowing malaria infected mosquitoes to bite me after receiving an experimental vaccine (also delivered via mosquito bite). Should I switch back? They make a compelling case...

Old provider - “Physical therapy?! What are you, an Olympic athlete?! Ha! No way, that’s way too expensive! Not covered! But here, how about we give you malaria instead! Also here’s a $6800 bill for absolutely nothing, we screwed up your account but won’t admit it until you’ve made 20+ calls and gotten a lawyer involved. See you next visit!”

New provider - “you’ve got $5 co-pays, lower monthly dues, all prescriptions are covered, ambulances are covered 100%, physical therapy is covered in-house OR any private clinic (aka the good stuff), specialists can be seen without a doctor recommendation and I’m SO HAPPY you chose to join with us! If you ever have any questions or concerns, here is my personal line and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible!”

It was a tough choice, but I decided I’d stick with the new company.