Some sort of beautiful cars to calm me down. Chilling gif, video, and nonsensical bullshit (I WARN YOU: YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!!!) after the jump and the jump.

See that guy Kano? Yeah, poor guy Kano. Quan Chi just squished Kano’s head with two magic skulls and his neck snapped in two Kano. That’s nothing compared to how we’d end up when China decides to rape the living shit out of us after some time Kano. Especially if it starts to rape the living shit out of these island towns Kano.

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See those islands with Philippine, Vietnamese and Malaysian flag markers Kano? Yeah, those islands have towns in them Kano. There’s people living in those islands Kano. And if China keeps doing what it does (I mean look!) and do more bullshit, they’re gonna run into those island towns and a shitstorm will start there Kano.

China will blather around saying it’s just plain self-defense (it’s not, Kano) because the other claimants fired first (it’s Han, Kano) or that we called 1-800-America and told them to shoot the bullshit the Chinese are building but everyone else in the world saw that it’s China who fired first and they got caught red-handed even if they did it at night Kano.

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Then they’re gonna sanction the Philippines badly and mercilessly and ruthlessly and idiotically to the point that even the most hardcore BDSM establishment will be gobsmacked Kano. Don’t trust this guy’s word: China will hold the Philippines hostage the moment Beijing’s provoked Kano.

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Manila’s been doing well (that’s our secret: We always complain), but China’s a spoiled brat. A blithering spoiled brat who can’t make a deal of fix their shit with a third party around Kano.

So now I ask you: How far beyond majorly fucked is the Philippines the moment this situation blows up to something uncontrollable? How much deeper can China get it’s dick in (assuming their dick’s big Kano) until he comes?

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But an even bigger question: How far beyond majorly fucked is China to everyone else that isn’t the Philippines the moment the former fucks the latter hard? Will Russia leave China cold? Will Best Korea get a serving or two?

I don’t know, but this better end before we find out what happens Kano.

There I’m done with my bullshit Kano. Now how about a polandball comic staring Philippinesball, beer, and is about this issue?

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Here’s another mythic corners onboard montage for you and I to share Kano.

And meet some sexy stuff from 2009 Kano.

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