You know, that one guy who insists on being Enthusiaster than you. You wash your car every other weekend? PSH! Enthusiastist washes his car every single day, even if he didn’t drive it. He also does a full interior-out detailing every monday at 5pm PRECISELY (the light isn’t right at any other time).

He never gets gas without giving his car a full wipe-down with the detailing wipes he special-ordered from Sweden.

He would never allow his car to be outside when it rains, and his garage is both temperature and humidity controlled.

But who’s going to be laughing when it’s time to sell, and Enthusiaster’s car brings in a whopping $500 more in resale?

It’s not just about cleanliness, either. Do you enjoy a sporting drive from time to time? Enthusiaster takes a perfect racing line through every corner. Even in the drive-through.

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Did you remove your spare to save weight? Enthusiaster stripped everything but one seat, the steering wheel, and the shift lever from his interior, and frequently bemoans “useless bloat” like Air Conditioning, a radio, or windows that roll down. Heat Stroke is the mark of the true enthusiast.

Impressed with the ultra-fast shift times of your dual-clutch transmission? Enthusiaster can shift a manual even faster, while double-clutching every upshift and heel-toeing every downshift. Anyone who does not do these things should just go buy a Prius, because clearly they don’t know how to drive.

And if you ARE granny-shifting, not double-clutching like you should, you probably also don’t let your car idle in the driveway for 30 minutes to make sure the engine is at the correct operating temperature.

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Nor do you stop every 25 miles to make sure your tire pressure is correct. If the right front goes down by 2psi you could easily send it over a curb!

Has it been more than 15 minutes since you checked your oil? Turn in your car keys, you automotive SADIST!

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So, Oppo. Have you encountered people like this?