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Spaghetti isn't food

Shells are the best pasta shape, no argument. I’d say spaghetti is the worst but that implies associating it with noodles. It does not deserve a spot in that magnificent food category. I would not feed that doughy tapeworm garbage to my worst enemies.

pictured: righteous noodles, not disappointment coils
pictured: righteous noodles, not disappointment coils

Stop typing. I see you typing. If you’re here to defend spaghetti, go do it somewhere else. If you feed me spaghetti, it’s safe to assume you hate me and don’t have the guts to say it to my face. It’s hard to eat. You have to either cut it all up at once and look like an asshole or wind it around your spoon, which has about as much sense as eating pho with chopsticks or those janky stubby inch-thick spoons they give you. Once inside your mouth, it’s intensely unsatisfying. Shells are chewy and delightful and offer a lovely little cradle for the other ingredients to nestle in. Spaghetti can’t step to that. Because spaghetti sucks.

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