In the first edition of the Style Smackdown series, and in weeks to come, I will be going through Car & Driver’s vehicle rankings by segment and rating them myself. Where Car and Driver rank the respective vehicles on criteria like interior ergonomics, cornering prowess, and ride quality, I will be ranking them based on one factor: STYLE. Yes, like the Canadian elections, only the prettiest can make it to the top. The winners are determined using a top-secret algorithm developed by my cat, and the input of a knowledgeable panel of judges; me, myself, and Simon Cowell. So with no further ado, let the Style Smackdown begin!

Ah the humble Mirage. It’s not an ugly car per se, but it’s just a bit bland. The Fiat 500 has that vintage charm, and the Smart is like a tw0-tone pug on wheels. The 2017 facelift brings some pizzazz like LED lights, fancy wheels, and chrome strips, but that’s about it. Lipstick, meet pig...

The Smart ForTwo is cute, it really is. Its smooshed face gives the impression of a quizzical pug, and its fortwo-tone paint is smart. Jokes, people! I can do it all! Wheels pushed to the corners give it as squat a stance as a relatively tall city car can achieve. It’s certainly a marked improvement from the previous generation. But I like the 500 better, so it wins.

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The Fiat 500 has a sort of joie de vivre, a je ne sais quoi, wait… those are all French. Whatever. It is one of the best retro designs of all time, in my mind, except of course for the PT Cruiser. That thing was smokin’ hot. From the fire I destroyed it in. Where was I? Oh yes; the all-consuming flame that only the eldritch abomination that is the PT Cruiser can produce. And if you look at the 500E or Abarth, it gets even better. The 500E has that cool white grille and mirrors and sporty wheels, and sits lower to the ground. And the Abarth has scorpion badges. +12 style points to the Abarth.