I work in Information Technology, supervising the overnight shift. We handle anything and everything that may come along from 7pm to 7am for company employees and customers. Not telling the company though.

We get a lot of weird stuff through the night, mostly from people who really should be more awake when they call. Here are a few of their stories, from this week:

Tonight’s “tales from the after-hours IT desk””

1. User calls in at 2:30am, “I sent a message directly to terminal ### but I haven’t gotten a response from them! It must be your fault!” - After checking terminal logins we found that they send their message to a terminal that no-one was logged in to, so of course they didn’t respond.

2. User calls in at 8:30pm, “I’m locked out and desperately need to send this report tonight! Oh, and my VPN hasn’t worked in 8 months...” - User is a moron. We got him in enough to send his report and sent a ticket to his regional support tech to go find him and educate him.

3. User emails in at 8:15pm, “I urgently need extra network permissions to do my job today!” - check the records, and he didn’t even start this quest until 4:50 this afternoon and then by email. Urgent issues are only processed via phone call. Try again tomorrow.