Every time one of these “new” Cadillac stooges come on to do one of their AMA’s they literally say nothing. They very fruitally and florally beat around the proverbial bush with their verbal potpourri. They tangent left and right and say some of the most verbose and sanctimonious drivel. It hurt to read.

Case in point: this question

To which Ukulele Bimmerhaus brought forth the first example of the Cadillac self-righteous “we are not at war, because we don’t have to be” style that would flavor every response to being asked any question which compared Cadillac to any other brand:

“I simply dislike the term “flagship.” That reminds me of war, and we are not on our way to a war. The war is over.”

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The war is over? Did you win? No, certainly not. That means you must have surrendered, since the overall feeling is that you quit playing!

In response to the suggestion of a vehicle with 8 or more cylinders:

“Again, we are not in war, full stop. A war about horsepower and cylinder count cannot be won. There will always be someone who delivers more. Who needs 1,001 horsepower?”

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I don’t need 1,001 horsepower, but please, shit on the engineering marvel that is the Veyron. There is no winning in cylinder count, but having 12-cylinders seems to be a pretty exclusive thing to super-cars and real world-class luxury cars. Nobody wants to be a part of that club, huh? I hear they’re all stuffy pedants anyway.

AND PEOPLE DEFEND THIS CRAP!

This is why it is absolutely infuriating.

“Oh ho ho, We’re Cadillac and we don’t compete with other manufacturers because we don’t need to. We do our own derpity-derpy thing!”

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YES YOU DO COMPETE YOU INSUFFERABLE OUT-OF-TOUCH ARROGANT MORONS! IT’S CALLED THE GLOBAL FUCKING MARKETPLACE!


Ahem


Sorry. I flew off the handle there.

The people who made the CTS-V think there is a limit to how much horsepower people really need?

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The Escalade has cache in its name, it sells more than anything else in the lineup, and has the youngest buyers of the lineup. And he sticks to his guns about alphanumeric names.

And why is Escalade so well known? Rap music. But I’ve heard Coupe DeVille in plenty of songs...well, better to be associated with violence and crime than your sweet lovely cooking baking grandma, or your grandpa who takes you to cars and coffee in his ‘59 Eldorado Biarritz.

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He claims other brands have more holes than they do in their lineup, while Cadillac’s entire lineup is “split-the-size-difference” by making cars that fit in the holes of everybody elses’ lineups, leaving some rather, shall we say, “standard” sized holes in their own.

It’s an entire brand of hypocrisy. God help us all.