If your Ford had a Matthew McConaughey, it would be a Lincoln

The Chrysler 300 is just like North Korea. Basically.

The Chrysler 300 V6 seems like an attractive proposition, with amazing value for money because it's totally based on a previous generation E class, bro, except it isn't, and offers the bling factor of Lil' bow wow. Its about as related to the Mercedes E Class as Adolf hitler is, which is to say, it loosely is. It probably is actually.

Anyway, on to the car. It's got a gasoline V6 engine, and although opening the hood or scouting around the car reveals no badges, I'm deducting from the sheer absence of any grunt, peps, getgo, power, thrust, you name it, that it's the fleet-only 2.7 Liter, good for apparently 190hp. The 3.5 I once drove in a Dodge Charger had a power delivery that seemed as linear as the price chart on a 2008 collateralized debt obligation, but it was at least able to move a vehicle, which the 2.7 clearly isn't. The only way to move the car is to mash your foot down on the accelerator at which point the engine will scream but achieve little, seemingly saying; IF YOU DONT EAT YOUR MEAT, YOU CANT HAVE ANY PUDDING.


The steering is numb. More similes? Its fucking numb. It feels like what Octomom must have felt after giving birth. But it does make it extremely maneuverable for something this size. The 300 that is, you sick fuck. Also, the chassis feels surprisingly well balanced. So there's that. The brakes are blabbidy fucking bla.

Then there's the interior.

Quite simply the worst interior my ass has ever graced, apart from your mom. The Chrysler 300′s interior is the closest automotive equivalent to visiting Pyonyang. Not Rwanda or siberia, that would be a Lada, or perhaps a Lotus Elise if you look at it that way. No, the 300′s interior is like Pyonyang because if you looked at it from afar, it might look grandiose, impressive, chic, or might give the impression you're getting a lot for your money by not going to Germany for vacation. And wow, look at that huge triangle hotel. Bla.

But you'll quickly realize everything you touch and see is there to give you the impression everything is alright, but as you look closer or turn away for a second, the whole charade crumbles. The plastics are most likely from melted down prosthetic limbs. Every single assembly or construction is made to last for the duration of your visit, after which it will disintegrate like the soviet rubbish that it is.

And if you look down the wrong door on your heavily guided tour, you'll find a starving peasant sleeping on a bare floor. Which is exactly like the 300′s seats, which offer fake leather on the buttrest and backrest only, after which the leatherette gives up and becomes shitty cloth beyond that, on the sides and underside of the seat. Oh and those groundbreaking electric controls on the driver's seat become manual controls on the passenger seat. And then the actual shape of the seats themselves is so terrible that it will give you a backache or an anal infection. At least an electric chair is electrically operated, making it better than the passenger seat. So there you have it, the Chrysler 300 V6 is the automotive equivalent of visiting Pyonyang with lil' bow wow, hitler and octomom. Makes sense?


From www.terriblecarreviews.org

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