Illustration for article titled The D DGE was the manliest truck of all time.

Although it is often mistaken for a Dodge Power Wagon, the D DGE (pronounced “dee-dgee”) is a completely different vehicle, as any D DGE expert will tell you. DGE was an options package on the D-series truck, with DGE standing for “Dynamically Gargantuan Engine/Ego/Emu/really anything you want “E” to stand for. Except that, you perv. Get your mind out of the gutter. You disgust me.”

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Illustration for article titled The D DGE was the manliest truck of all time.

It was the most macho of all D-series trucks, and some say it was the most macho truck of all time. It had to be discontinued because some men complained about the absurd quantities of hair they were sprouting due to overexposure to pure manliness. The thin yogurts. That hair is for your own protection against the sandpaper upholstery, but do the ninnies listen? Noooo... It came as standard with a 3.5 Chuck Norrispower π12 (That’s right, a π engine layout. I’d explain, but only Chuck Norris understands it) turbo diesel engine cooled with bull testosterone. The advantage of this unique engine design is that its only emission is beer, although there is some debate as to whether or not this is actually manlier than just a whole lotta black smoke. If you say that to its face, though, it will punch you.

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Illustration for article titled The D DGE was the manliest truck of all time.

It’s so manly that the gear shift lever is shaped like a hand, so you can only shift gears if you have a firm enough handshake.

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Illustration for article titled The D DGE was the manliest truck of all time.

All other trucks are sissies compared to the glory of the D DGE!

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