In Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, the Ghost of Christmas Past is generally portrayed as a kindly though stern spirit who who shows Ebenezer Scrooge not only the difficult times in his young life, but some joyous times as well. I, however, believe that the Ghost of Christmas Past is actually a vengeful spirit, the one who guarantees that any string of Christmas lights put away last year will not work this year. Or, in a particular bit of spite, only half of the string will work.

Rather than use the candle extinguisher to put him out, as Scrooge did, I’d like to beat him to death with it.