Today we get the alternate alternate version of the morning car news with the grumpy punk version.

1st Turd: BWM Signs With Great Wall To Make EV Minis In China

This will be the first time Minis will be made outside of the UK. Not including today and yesterday because Minis are also made in the Netherlands. This is probably because China is trying to increase the amount of EVs on the road compared to ICE engines after trashing its environment. Now the Chinese will be able to buy 2 types of Chinese built Minis the knock off and the Electric.

2nd Turd: EU Hits Auto Suppliers In Parts Cartels With $670 Million Fine

Apparently price fixing is big in the Euro supplier companies too. For overcharging companies and costs getting passed to the people the government will get some money that will disappear. Paying the fines will decrease quarterly earnings. Don’t worry CEOs will still get bonuses and shareholders will get payouts. Costs will be passed to the consumer because the next quarter is all that matters.

3rd Turd: Takata Settles With U.S. States For $650 Million

Takata has already pleaded guilty and has already declared bankruptcy. Making claymores that point at the purchasers face is bad for business. Can we get these billion consumer I.E.D.s (intentional explosive device) replaced already?

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Constipation..... ......... ........

4th Turd: Head Of Lincoln Becomes Ford North America President

Raj Nair is out of the job because he is a turd. Kumar Galhotra the man currently in charge of Lincoln replaces him. Lincoln has the new Contienental which is a car worth noticing, so Kumar is apparently doing better than his predecessors for the past 40 years.

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5th Turd: BWM Pays $2 Million To Settle Claim That It Refused Lease Refunds To Military Personnel Called to Duty.

BMW didn’t refund 492 military personnel who lawfully terminated their leases because they were called to active duty. BMW was being a jerk. BMW do you want to make my Sh*!t list with Nissan, VW, and Toyota (Toyota committed class discrimination)?

(We are not wiping today; today we are dirty crust punks who don’t have any toilet paper.)

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Flush: Cuban Revolutionaries Kidnapped Fangio

I believe he missed the race. I didn’t bother to read this and I don’t clearly remember. If the fp can phone it in by linking to history channel so can I.

Lingering Stench: Where does Mini Go From Here?

Now they will have partnerships with 2 Chinese companies, Great Wall and Brilliance.