Welcome to The Morning Sh*t! Life is short – use two-ply to avoid UFIA.

1st Wipe: January car sales sucked, especially for domestics who relied too heavily on sedans; meanwhile, Japanese brands pushed more trucks and crossovers. Welcome to Bizarro World.

2nd Wipe: Fleet sales artificially helped Japanese marques, but they’re not disclosing the details. I think we can officially call these brands domestic now.

3rd Wipe: BMW sick of losing to Mercedes, surprises absolutely nobody by saying they will invent two new crossover segments to fix this.

4th Wipe: Ferrari wants to make more money with hybrids and SUVs. Analysts still concerned about their burn rate.

5th Wipe: Toyota thinks it can buck the trend and increase sales 9% in China this year. Much like Nanking, they won’t take no for an answer.

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Flush: In 1991, Hurley Haywood set out to win his fifth 24 Hours of Daytona. Spoiler: He did. And now his name adorns teen and millennial clothing nationwide.