Welcome to The Morning Sh*t! Lorem ipsum quick brown fox.

1st Wipe: Travis Kalanick takes the stand to defend Uber’s alleged use of “cheat codes” against competitor Waymo, charges he claims were only brought up up to take Uber down down and were left right left right in the open by former employee Justin Bailey; further corroboration would BA Start.

2nd Wipe: FCA-UAW scandal sees another plea deal, this time by a photographer who documented years of UAW embezzlement for lavish parties on social media using money earmarked for worker training. If it weren’t for the 5th Amendment, social media couldn’t exist.

3rd Wipe: Sergio Marchionne still has a dream that one day all of his companies will be judged not by the callousness of their advertising, but by the content of their brand equity.

4th Wipe: Mazda’s success more than doubles in fourth quarter. Unlike the Patriots.


5th Wipe: Test track for driverless cars opening near Detroit, which is a perfect complement to all the ownerless houses.

Flush: Tire magnate Harvey Samuel Firestone died in 1938; never got to see his family name taken down by OEM Ford tires, The Bachelor, and shitty wine.