Welcome to The Morning Sh*t! People want to come up and they want to tell me that smoking crack cocaine is better than sensi.
1st Wipe: Ford scrambling to meet demand for full-size SUVs like Expedition and Navigator. Due to high employee turnover and early union retirement, only six people in the company still remember when this happened before. Two of them are
janitors Product Development Executives.
2nd Wipe: Porsche doubling investment in EVs. If the 911 ever stops threatening to kill you with snap oversteer, they’ll add a random electrocution feature just to keep it interesting.
3rd Wipe: Thanks to Brexit, the UK will no longer be allowed to approve cars for European safety and environment regulators. Caterham Sevens with open headers for everyone!
4th Wipe: China’s ridesharing service-and-not-pornstar-name Didi Chuxing has been testing autonomous cars on public roads for months. How did they expect to keep this a secret in China when they were doing things like following traffic laws and not running over pedestrians?
5th Wipe: Waymo has great technology, but no idea how to make money. Former executives from Webvan and Pets.com more than happy to offer them a consulting contract.
Flush: In 2008, GM started offering buyouts to workers after record losses, ushering in the carpocalypse and government bailout. This was the best/worst thing Bush/Obama ever did and saved/destroyed tens of thousands of jobs and was a great/horrible use of taxpayer money that should never/probably happen again.