Welcome to The Morning Sh*t! Sort of like Tosh.0 but turbocharged.

1st Wipe: General Motors likely pulling out of South Korea’s Daewoo; company unsure whether Chevy Spark will be aborted as a result.

2nd Wipe: Industry sales numbers are based on shipments to dealers, but don’t indicate whether dealers are actually moving the product to consumers. Pablo Escobar unavailable for comment.

3rd Wipe: 2006 Ford Rangers and Mazda B-Series pickups are deathtraps and you should stop driving them now. They also have bad Takata airbags.

4th Wipe: Mercedes won’t be at the Detroit Auto Show starting next year; company tired of trying to launch exciting new vehicles amid a sea of mediocrity. Like the Mercedes CLA and GLA.


5th Wipe: London claims its infrastructure is not ready for autonomous cars. They’re still trying to program the cars not to run over Dutch tourists looking the wrong way at a crosswalk.

Flush: In 1988, Soviet frigate Bezzaventy intentionally bumped into the cruiser USS Yorktown in the Black Sea, but the American crew knew about the scam and refused to get out of the ship to check for damage. Especially in a neighborhood filled with Caucasians.