Welcome to The Morning Sh*t! Shot through the heart and I’m to blame; I give cars a bad name.

1st Wipe: Everyone had a bad sales year except Subaru…but it was bolstered by cheap financing deals that will soon go away. And now your dog refuses to co-sign for you, even for an Outback.

2nd Wipe: Chinese government ramping up consumer incentives for EV purchases and mandating that manufacturers produce a certain amount of them. That’s the free market at work, comrade.

3rd Wipe: 13 automakers offering $130 million to people injured by Takata airbags as part of a large plaintiffs’ case. That’s $129.7 million for the two lead attorneys and tree fiddy for you.

4th Wipe: Tesla’s expansion into China delayed as company negotiates with government over manufacturing ownership. That’s the free market at work, Elon.


5th Wipe: The Lexus UX is a new – say it with me – compact crossover that will reportedly be built in northern France. The company denies it, insisting that nobody in France even knows what a Lexus is.

Flush: Sakichi Toyoda was born on this day in 1867 and went on to found a textile machinery and loom company that eventually became Toyota Motor Corporation. Its first car, the cleverly-named AA, acknowledged that it was powerless to do anything original and just copied a Chevy design. Later Toyota made amends by allowing Chevy to copy everything it did instead.