Welcome to The Morning Sh*t! Even though I post this every day, allegedly nobody saw it coming.

1st Wipe: GMC is the new BMW, as consumers realize the benefits of better visibility from sitting up high while their heads remain stuck in their asses.

2nd Wipe: VW pushing for more accountability and electric vehicles in huge culture change. The electrocutions will continue until morale improves.

3rd Wipe: Toyota’s design chief sees a bipolar future full of bland box-like cars for most; elite luxury cars for some. In completely unrelated news, he is selling his Scion xB and Lexus LS430 on Craigslist right now and knows what he has.

4th Wipe: Volvo wants you to view Polestar as their own special electric luxury brand, not just a place where the VW dealership next door will store all of its Dieselgate orphans when they run out of space.

5th Wipe: Nissan’s Carlos Ghosn agrees to stay as chairman of Renault for four more years during the France-Japan-Mitsubishi ownership transition period. Expect lots of surrendering and apologizing, followed by a 0% refinancing deal.

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Flush: Jeff Gordon’s hairs won the Daytona 500 on this day in 1997, making them the youngest follicles to ever achieve the feat.