Welcome to The Morning Sh*t! Gather ‘round and hear the tale about how Washington and Lincoln used to have separate birthdays and separate holidays. Now get the hell off my White House lawn.

1st Wipe: Several worldwide major cities are pledging to ban Diesels, potentially hurting Peugeot and Renault hardest of all. This wouldn’t be the first time that excessive German power on French streets ended up being a bad thing.

2nd Wipe: Nobody really knows who might succeed Sergio Marchionne as head of FCA.

3rd Wipe: As Hyundai continues to push Genesis as a standalone brand, dealers are pissed at the bifurcation. Actually, they didn’t use a word that big. They’re Hyundai dealers, after all.

4th Wipe: South Korea still mad about GM pullout and eventual layoff of 16,000 workers. There has to be some kind of regional handbook for how to react to these kinds of situations. It’s probably small, and perhaps red.

5th Wipe: If your ancestors helped build the Model T Ford, please contact the Piquette Heritage Day and let them know. Maybe your ancestor gave up a rewarding job as a craftsman to do mindless assembly line piecework; maybe he missed several days of school ever week to lend his tiny hands to engine assembly; or maybe he sharecropped in the Mississippi sun for 14 hours a day to provide fabric for the seats. Come one, come all.

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Flush: Something something Cale Yarborough Daytona 500. If you’re not sick of Daytona 500 flashbacks yet, you’re probably sick of hearing about Cale.