Welcome to The Morning Sh*t! Sorry for the hiatus over the past week. I took some Metamucil and everything is working now. Kudos to punkgoose17 for stepping up to fill the void in the morning news world!

1st Wipe: Geely is now Daimler’s biggest shareholder and is considering buying FCA, too. If they can get Dr. Z on board, the reunification of Daimler-Chrysler will be nearly complete.

2nd Wipe: German court says towns can individually ban Diesels on a local level. VW insists it has a way to help cars instantly comply with emissions at the push of a button.

3rd Wipe: Rome to ban Diesels starting in 2024, will go back to killing people the old-fashioned way: Lions.

4th Wipe: GM Korea/Daewoo now blaming high GM’s high interest rates on factories’ underperformance. Finance bosses insist it was a simple “usually/usury” misunderstanding during a conference call.


5th Wipe: Fred Diaz, formerly of FCA/Ram, has just been demoted to President and CEO of Mitsubishi Motors North America.

Flush: Mario Andretti was born today in 1940 and went on to win multiple championships in F1, Champ Car, Sebring, the Indy 500, Daytona 500, and Pike’s Peak. In other news, you suck at driving.