Welcome to The Morning Sh*t! Is it Volkswagen Quantum Leap year yet? Because I really want to scare the hell out of Scott Bakula in a mid-80s crapwagon.

1st Wipe: King Carlos already working some magic to turn Mitsubishi around, assisted by a secretive key lieutenant known only as “The Puffalump.”

2nd Wipe: PSA starting to show signs of health, as Peugeot and Citroen finally quit smoking and having three drinks at lunch. Opel and Vauxhall still secretly pissed off about working so hard to help France.


3rd Wipe: Automakers pushing hard to maintain Obama-era emissions standards since, not surprisingly, a lot of jobs were created to comply with the standards. Why does Trump hate the economy?

4th Wipe: GM’s Human Resources boss quit after just 8 months on the job; was allegedly sick of getting resumes from Richard T. Butt on Indeed.com. No word on who will assume the position for Barra.

5th Wipe: February car sales expected to decline as long as new cars continue to not break in the first year.

Flush: On this day in 2005 Honda unveiled the new Civic, featuring the never-before-seen “redundant speedometer” where both digital and analog readouts of velocity would be available in two different locations on the dashboard because reasons.

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