Welcome to The Morning Sh*t! It’s just like The Morning Shift, but ironically with fewer obvious expletives in the subhead.

1st Wipe: Trump still thinks American cars don’t sell well in Europe because of a trade imbalance. Because it’s obvious that Slovenians, for example, will fall for fat, incompetent, and poorly mannered American products on their own merits.

2nd Wipe: Virtually every automaker says tariffs are a losing proposition for all involved, but can’t convince a certain pro-business president of this fact.

3rd Wipe: Toyota dropping Diesels from most European offerings; will go back to spending another decade trying to explain to Europeans what a hybrid is.

4th Wipe: China officially approves three-mile stretch of road for autonomous car testing, even though companies have been testing autonomous cars there for years. Hint: They’re the ones following the traffic rules.

5th Wipe: Uber tried to partner with Waymo, then when it didn’t work, stole autonomous car secrets from Waymo in an attempt to do it themselves, got sued, settled out of court, and is now paying Waymo to allow Uber riders in Waymo cars, even though Waymo is already partnered with their main competitor. God bless America.

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Flush: Gottlieb Daimler died today in 1900, just 15 years after co-developing the world’s first internal four-stroke combustion engine, telling Wilhelm Maybach to hold his beer, then strapping the engine to a bicycle.