Welcome to The Morning Sh*t! You can tell I’m a jazz man from my scat.

1st Wipe: Hank Scorpio Elon Musk about to get a $2.6 billion compensation package if Tesla hits some lofty goals, such as not using duct tape to attach the Model 3’s bumper.

2nd Wipe: The greatest mystery of the universe – the four-door coupe – is really all about making big margins so automakers can pay for zero-emission R&D.

3rd Wipe: In the midst of waving his tariff middle finger at the rest of the world, Trumps stops to tell Mexico and Canada that they’re cool.

4th Wipe: The Chevy Bolt (not Volt, unless you’re in a Spanish-speaking country because Chevy didn’t think this through) is selling very well and GM is unsurprisingly pushing to keep federal tax credits in place.

5th Wipe: BMW considering a motorcycle backseat ridesharing program akin to Uber or Lyft. Wie sagt Mann “riding bitch” auf Deutsch?


Flush: And just to gain our trust, they built the microbus because they lost all of their personal property. A rough post-war mess they used the Marshall Plan’s redress; they sold them to the north, south, east and west. They sold them to the Yanks, we smoked a lot of dank, they sold them all to hippies who would protest all the tanks. And now I celebrate the year 1950. Yeah, now I celebrate the year 1950. The one vee-dub with the window with the split, launched today in 1950.

/apologies to Mr. Nowell