Welcome to The Morning Sh*t! Terrible freestyle rap edition.

1st Wipe: Tesla Model 3, drivin me a bit crazy, future’s looking hazy and the company’s lazy while they get it up to speed, it’s what I need, call it greed, but it’s all justified, I got the law on my side, so if you’ll take a step back, excuse my moanin’ and my bitchin’, I love it so much I boil rabbits in its kitchen.

2nd Wipe: Hyundai…oh! Hyundaaaaiii…oh! Ad man called, now he’s gotta go home. Touching ladies, talking crazy, always screaming at subordinates, it’s inordinate, now his coordinates are away from his peeps, what a creep, in too deep now to do any good for his crew, time to sue, and sit back and learn about all the effects of MeToo.

3rd Wipe: Tesla, back again, just a couple wipes later, always in the news so just ignore all the haters. Still not sure if they’ll procure a car plant somewhere in China. Infrastructure has to puncture, put those tariffs behindya. Build the Tiers, calm the fears, bring logistics alive, then one day Elon shares all his Shanghai supplies.

4th Wipe: GM service gonna let you go rent out your ride, like an AirBnB but you can drive it outside. Strangers take your car in exchange for some cash, bring it back, smells like ass, and the inside’s all trashed. Call it what you want, GM’s naming it Maven, but if you ask me to partake — “Nevermore” quoth the raven.

5th Wipe (SPEEDMETAL BREAK): Lashing out the action, returning the reaction, Diesels ripped and torn away. Hypnotizing power, crushing all that cower, Battery is here to stay. Smashing vee-dub’s boundaries, innovation found me, cannot stop the battery. Pounding out investments, turning to electrics, cannot kill the battery.

Advertisement

Flush: Herbie, 1969, I’m out. <mic drop> <naptime>