Welcome to The Morning Sh*t! Saaavveeed by Zeeerrrrooooo.
1st Wipe: 16 states want to make their own rules and hold the rest of the country hostage because their economic power and solidarity allows for it. But the Federal Government isn’t too happy with this idea and wants these states to get back in line. I’ve never heard of anything like this happening before.
2nd Wipe: For the third time in a decade, VW insists they’ll double in size in the US — to a whopping 5% market share (which they haven’t had since 1970, when everyone was too high to realize what they just bought).
3rd Wipe: South Korean government stepping up its efforts to save GM there. Naturally, GM is declining because they would never take government money. Just kidding, it’s going great and they will probably want more.
4th Wipe: Tesla has lost two senior financial execs in recent weeks. Hold on, their outgoing treasurer was named Susan Repo?
5th Wipe: Toyota raising base salaries by about $12 a month, which is still enough to pay for a better ad agency.
Flush: John Mack, founder of the eponymous heavy-duty truck maker, died today in 1922 when his car hit a trolley. In memoriam, the gold standard metaphor for giant moving objects was changed from the insensitive “trolley” to “Mack Truck.”