Welcome to The Morning Sh*t! Beware the St. Ides of March unless you want a killer headache.

1st Wipe: The Ford F-150 as a standalone brand is worth more than Ford as a company. This either means that Ford will pay you to take a Focus off their hands, or investment bankers are full of crap. Why not both?

2nd Wipe: Today’s repetitively obvious news comes from the Japanese car industry: Since our car companies don’t have money printing presses (except maybe Subaru), any metal tariffs will be passed on to consumers.


3rd Wipe: GM and South Korea still engaging in slapfight over plant shutdowns, union wages, benefit concessions, poor plant performance, raises and bonuses, and government-backed loans. In other news, South Korea is now full Americanized.

4th Wipe: The latest company to invest in ridesharing is supplier Magna, who is partnering with Lyft to help develop ways to shrink wrap and palletize passengers for just-in-time Six Sigma levels of efficiency.

5th Wipe: Get your Lilith Fair ’99 playlist ready and order some fresh Jill Stein bumper stickers: The new Subaru Forester will be released this month.

Flush: Today in 1961, the Jaguar E-Type first penetrated Geneva while the world watched.