The Morning Sh*t – Your Daily TL;DR Summary of Jalopnik for 3/16/2018

Welcome to The Morning Sh*t! Everybody’s working for the weekend.

1st Wipe: GM’s petition for an autonomous Bolt without pedals or a wheel is making progress. Driver feedback is already 27% better than the current Bolt.

2nd Wipe: It’s starting to look like Trump’s trade threats are just a way to get concessions out of our economic partners. Everyone looking around, hoping that Jamie Kennedy, Dom DeLuise, or John Quiñones will jump out to relieve the tension.

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3rd Wipe: Appeals court upholds $40 million settlement against Jeep for burning death of 4-year-old in Grand Cherokee, claiming It’s a Negligence Thing You Wouldn’t Understand™.

4th Wipe: Tesla’s Gigafactory under investigation for intimidating workers who might have considered unionizing. In completely unrelated news, SpaceX will begin a random lottery to send three lucky Gigafactory employees to Mars in 2021.

5th Wipe: Toyota and Uber working together on autonomous cars. Toyota didn’t technically say “yes” but was clearly asking for this partnership for a long time.

Flush: The closest ever finish, in a racing series artificially rigged for close finishes, on a track known for close finishes, happened today in 2003 at Darlington, when Ricky Craven stuck out his tongue to beat Kurt Busch by 0.002 seconds.

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