Welcome to The Morning Sh*t! Brevity is the something something.

1st Wipe: If you crash your Kia Forte, you might die. Well, more so than usual, thanks to airbags that fail to inflate.

2nd Wipe: The VW Diesel fixes might actually result in other premature wear & tear and failures, due to a condition known as “being a Volkswagen.”

3rd Wipe: The key to Lotus’s future success is apparently to complicate and add heaviness with an SUV.

4th Wipe: Indian competitor to Uber launches in Australia, promising better pay. Drivers immediately go on strike with Uber…for better pay.

5th Wipe: Mercedes dealers pushing for a monthly car-swapping subscription service like Cadillac. Just visit the dealer once a month and drop your keys in the basket. They’ll arrange the rest.

Advertisement

Flush: John DeLorean died today in 1985; his ashes were sold for $300 a gram.