Welcome to The Morning Sh*t! Now featuring random hyperlinky goodness (all of it SFW).

1st Wipe: Tesla will have a hard time selling its coal-powered cars in China thanks to huge retaliatory tariffs.

2nd Wipe: GM and Ford trying to break up Trump vs China fight, but only in the same way you see boxing promoters doing that during the pre-match staredown where you wonder if they’re going to kiss or something.

3rd Wipe: Seasonally-adjusted US sales up, thanks mainly to SUVs and fleet sales. You’ve never seen this headline before, since it has never happened in the history of the US car industry.

4th Wipe: Volvo sales are up 50% year-over-year. Both of last year’s buyers purchased a second one for their wives and one for his overprivileged son who just moved back home after college to “figure things out.”

5th Wipe: Takata blasts automakers in the face with $182 million.

Splashback: Happy Birthday to the late Bill France, who managed to take a group of illegal liquor-fueled DIY car tuners racing down mountain roads at midnight and turn it into a sanitized corporate-sponsored series of identical cars on paved ovals in just a few short decades.