Welcome to The Morning Sh*t! Still requires greater attention span than cable news.

1st Wipe: US DOJ promises VW CEO Herbert Diess that he can travel for normal business without any “surprise arrests.” Although he probably wants to visit them Washington DC to claim the free boat he just won.

2nd Wipe: Elon says he’s sorry for going Full Kanye on the investor call last week, yet still mentions flamethrowers as part of his inevitable Hank Scorpio transition.


3rd Wipe: 30 autonomous ridesharing BMWs to hit Las Vegas and its pedestrians this summer.

4th Wipe: Toyota preparing to build a metric ass-tonne of RAV-4 models in Canada as the vehicle becomes its best seller in the US. Trump is not angry, since he’s still unaware that Canada is not a US state.

5th Wipe: Luxury marques in the black, will never go back. R*chers gonna rich.

Splashback: 20 years ago today Daimler and Chrysler got drunk, slept together, then tried to pretend to have a relationship for a while; their illegitimate children still show up in places like Durango suspension components and minivan Stow & Go Seating.

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