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I’m going to hand the Scion tC Gran Coupe back to my parents some day and buy another car somewhere down the road. While I’ve had my triple-digit fun with the tC GC, I want a car that isn’t the automotive equivalent of mashed potatoes that also plays NPR.

So what’ll it be? Here’s the choices. There’s probably many more I don’t remember.

The obvious:

- Ford Focus RS: The Hillary Clinton, for better or for worse - it’s probably my pick unless it turns out to be made from orphan tears and dead kittens. However, every jackass and his racist and openly gay cat (may he rest in peace) will want to put their names down so it’ll be mark-up city. Oh yeah, and I’ve heard not-so-good things about the Focus’ build quality.

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- Civic Type-R: Only if it’s the current one. The weird fastback thing coming after it is very Scirocco and that turns me on, but holy front overhang! It’s going to scrape my front driveway so hard it’ll give stance kids boners.

- MX-5 Miata: Yes, the ND. It’s a two-seat sports car so I’ll need to buy something like a BMW 3-series wagon for those times I have to drive people around or buy something more than groceries. I’ll take a Club Edition, please. Bilstein shocks, BBS wheels, front Brembos, limited-slip, and many more sports bits. Mmm....

Oh hey, Johnny. I didn’t recognize you:

- Honda S2000: Started chatting with a friend and I realized how badly I want one of these things. Two-seat sports car with a six-speed that I’ll street park in a hilly city. Still a better proposition than an Integra GS-R.

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Focus ST: FWD, but way cheaper and available with leather Recaros in bright orange! It’s like a GTI that I can actually afford to maintain!

Retirement? You mean I’m not going to be 23 forever?

- Acura Integra GS-R: This is a moronic choice. I don’t know why I’m putting this down. I guess I’m kinda masochistic and I also like the jizz-stripes-on-blue seats.

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- FA5 Civic Si: A very solid choice, but my inner Honda nerd can’t reconcile the fact that Honda is selling a sports Civic post-’90 without double-wishbone suspension. Still, it ticks enough boxes that I won’t completely write it off.

- Mazda3 2.0: Probably the biggest car I can parallel-park in the small hilly city I live in. I do like the hatchback and I’m getting a pretty serious engineering chub from all that Skyactiv talk. Still, these things rust like a motherfucker and there’s no snow around here.

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