The Six Commandments

The Scrambler says it can be done started a "what are the ten commandments?" thread a while back. I've only just noticed it, and since this has been sitting in my drafts folder for a while, I figured I might as well throw it out there now while the subject's vaguely live.

Herein be the Commandments by which we who live to drive ┼┐hall abide.

The number of our Commandments ┼┐hall be Six. Six be the Holy number, for it Hath both primary and ┼┐econdary balance. In our cylinders we may ┼┐tray from holiness, in search of rorty ┼┐ounds, torque, or mere Practicality, but in our driving we mu┼┐te know balance.

Commandment the First: Thou shalt endanger none but thyself

Thou maye┼┐t exerci┼┐e thy mature and con┼┐idered Judgement as to ri┼┐ks. Yea, and verily thy Judgement maye differ from that of thy local Law Enforcement Officials, for Tyranny mu┼┐t be re┼┐i┼┐ted. But Shalt thy Judgement be in Error, and Shalt that Error injure others, thou wilt have earned the Contempt of all true Hoones.

And that wilt be Nothing compared to the Contempt thou ┼┐halt feel for thy┼┐elf.

Forgiveness ┼┐hall be granted unto thee only for Legitimate Racing Incidents in controlled environments, for the other driver Kneweth into what he wa┼┐t getting.

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Commandment the Second: Thou shalt not endanger thyself unnecessarily

Life is ri┼┐k, and We who live to drive know that we may be called to pay the Price.

But injuries ┼┐ustained through thine Idiocy shall forever remind thee that thou wa┼┐t a Fool, and thy ┼┐carring shall grate upon thee more greatly as thou growe┼┐t Older and Wiser.

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Moreover, thou ha┼┐t Loved Ones. And to Condemn them to know that thou diedst being a Dickheadde ┼┐hall be a Torment upon thy eternal ┼┐oul.

Commandment the Third: Thou shalt take pleasure in thy driving

Where thou may take The Roade Less Travelled, thou shalt

Where thou must take The Roade more Travelled, thou Shalt treasure the moments as thou Can┼┐t

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To treate a drive as a chore ┼┐hall be a Sin amongst us

Commandment the Fourth: Subject only to the other commandments, thou Shalt drive as thou Wilt.

If thy plea┼┐ure be in the Carving of Corners, it is well, for a neatly clipped apex is a Holy and beautiful thing

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If thy plea┼┐ure be in Over┼┐teere, it is well, for the Lord appreciateth a good power┼┐lide, just like the next Guy

If thy plea┼┐ure be in Under┼┐teere, thou art Weird. But it is well, for tho┼┐e touched by the Moon are granted pre┼┐cience; and thou ┼┐halt surely ┼┐ee thine Accident coming.

If thy plea┼┐ure be in Burnouts, it is well, for tyres are Evil and mu┼┐t be puni┼┐hed

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If thy plea┼┐ure be in fuel economy; nay, even in not waking thy ┼┐leeping Pa┼┐┼┐enger, it is well, granted only that thou taketh thy plea┼┐ure from the Joy of delicacy, or of beating thy numbers, and not from ┼┐ome mi┼┐guided ┼┐en┼┐e of Obligationne.

If thy plea┼┐ure be in ┼┐imple Crui┼┐ing, it is well, for Nirvana lieth in the rumble of the exhau┼┐te

If thou art a Driving God, it is well, for the ┼┐pirit of Ayrton delighteth in competition

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If thou art a Drift Idiot, a Tail End Charlie, or even ┼┐truggling to ma┼┐ter the clutche, it is well, for God loveth a Tryer

How┼┐oever thy driving plea┼┐eth thee, it is Well, save onlie that thy plea┼┐ure cometh Not from the di┼┐pleasure of others

Commandment the Fifth: Thou Shalt drive All thy vehicles when thou Canst

Fettling, maintenance, re┼┐toration and upgrades are Well, for there isse dignity in labour

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Cleaning and poli┼┐hing are Well, for ┼┐hininess helpeth us to know which ┼┐ide should be Up

But the Soul of the machine is Motion, and to deny a Soul expre┼┐┼┐ion is abhorrent unto God. Thou ┼┐halt Not make of thy car a Garage Queen.

Commandment the Last: Thou shalt not Disrespect another man's Ride

Nor another woman's Ride. For we who Love to drive are as one, and Paternalistic Butchered English notwith┼┐tanding, the "-isms" have no place Amongst us

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Not even a Donk. For a pa┼┐┼┐ion for cars is worthy of Re┼┐pect, even if it Aligneth not with thine own pa┼┐┼┐ion

Nay, nor even a Camry. For there are truly tho┼┐e for whom Need must outweigh De┼┐ire, and the Soul of a Hoone may ┼┐till live, deep within them.

The only Exception shall be the Rides of Tho┼┐e who give not a Damn about their cars. In such a ca┼┐e, Fill thy Boots.