The S3 has been covered in a thin layer of dirt since we had some work done in our backyard last week. In addition to that about 40% of our yard is freshly seeded and covered with hay that needs to be kept wet. I’ve purchased a bunch of sprinklers/timers but they have not yet arrived, so I have been watering this huge area by hand every evening.
Yesterday evening I set out to wash the S3 and water the seeded areas of the yard. As I stepped out of my front door with a warm bucket of suds I see the enemy a few doors down... For whatever reason there are often solicitors in our neighborhood, some of them have knocked up after 9pm! I have been meaning to make a tasteful “If you’re not selling girl scout cookies, piss the fuck off” sign for the side of the mailbox but I’ve yet to do so.
Anyway I see it all happening in my mind, me just washing the car then this bastard comes over and starts chatting me up about something I don’t care about. Then I’ll have to say something like, “unless you’re handing out $100 bills, I’m not interested.” Chances are he’ll still persist suggesting that I need lawn treatment, a new roof, new windows, god, or to sign some petition to stop dogs from farting in his general direction.
Part of me just wants to retreat inside until he has passed my house, but I know in my heart that won’t work. He’ll eagle eye me at the end of his route when I’m least expecting. Besides, fuck that I’m not going to hide in my house because of some clowndick solicitor.
As I finishing scrubbing the back of the car and reach for the hose I look up and our eyes meet as hes leaving the old lady’s house catty corner to ours. This is the point where he waves and I wave and he comes over and ruins my night. Instead of waving I just glared at him like “don’t motherfucker, fucking don’t even think about coming the fuck over here.” I almost cracked a smile thinking about what I looked like from his perspective. He looked away, and I went back to washing the car. Then he walked right past my driveway and to my neighbors doorstep (who I warned via text) but it was too late. His wife answered the door...
My wife saw him pass and comes outside like, “whoa, what happened there? Did you say something to him?” I said, “no I just looked at him like I was going to murder him if he came over here...and it worked!” She laughed knowing exactly the look I gave him.
Life is funny. I wonder if he went home and told his wife that he skipped over one house because the guy looked like a psycho...