If your Ford had a Matthew McConaughey, it would be a Lincoln

The Tuner Car of Tomorrow: TODAY!

We, as a car community, should be advising to Car Companies, as we know what’s up. Today, we will be discussing the modular tuner car of tomorrow! And relax, it already is on a AWD/RWD/FWD architecture that is only manual transmission, and has diesel brown shooting brake wagon option. (all of this is opinion and and should be taken seriously) More after the break.

Advertisement

If you want to Rauh-Welt or Rocket Bunny your Ford Fiesta ST, be not afraid to cut your fenders or drill holes for rivets! Introducing the Cutting Guide Line for making accurate cuts to widen your wheel wells! For your fender flare holes, your body panels are pre-drilled and have temporary color matched Inevitable “Butt Plug” Fender Flare Plugs!

Nobody likes cutting things, especially those nasty wheel wells. We all know they’re useless, as the roads in the future are clean as a minimalist’s wet dream. So your modular tuner car in the future will NOT come with any fender liners! (Sorry if you rally your car, fender liners are 300 dollar options)

Advertisement

Federal noise regulations have neutered our exhaust notes to inaudible wheezes, so car manufactors such as BMW have resulted in piping engine sounds into your speakers. Now you have a choice, whether it may it be Jason Torch noises as he furiously cranks (sound overlay available on any other exhaust note) or the glorious sounds of a Chevy S10 V6 straight pipe’d motor! Dodge Avenger gets put in twice as they paid.

Advertisement

If Ford can randomly shove Ken Block into awkward press releases or have him do awkward scripted interviews about the glorious Fiesta ST, why not have him do Sync© navigation voices? You’ll have the singsongy soothing (dis)comforting voice of a 47 year old former DC Shoes founder telling you your mother is calling while drawling out you have to turn left in 10 feet. Since Ken Block is included, let’s make that a 600 dollar option.

Advertisement

I hate when I can’t put MORE spacers on my Matrix to fit my siiiiiiickk ass Rotiforms! SO that’s why our modular tuner car will have lug bolts that can handle 10 inch long spacers! And even if you’re not running spacers, long lug nuts look race car.

Advertisement

For our Oppo members who are more truck-inclined, be not scared! Our Modular Tuner Car will also have 8 BUILT IN LED LIGHT BARS! NOT 1, NOT 2, BUT 8! These are also DOT-Legal, so they will be less bright than a set of normal headlights. Hey, but 8 light bars!

Advertisement

We all enjoy super clean engine bays. The car community has gone to the maximum for clean engine bays. They’ve found ways to tuck wire harnesses, oil lines, brake boosters, oil fill containers, and other naggly things. Introducing our cleanest engine bay ever made, the “Invisible Engine”! There will be NO engine. There won’t be the rough edges of a engine block to glare into your eyes. Your engine bay will be clean no matter what.

Advertisement

Update: Oppo Modular Car also includes a dealer installed factory option. It is consisted of multicolored dribbles of Plasti drop that randomly spray onto body panels. There also will be discount options on your vehicle. If you want the durable styling of stickers and a discount on your car, why not put on a DC shoes sponsored pre-sticker’d panel?

Oh yes, Oppo modular tuner car also comes with a uniquely amazing Roof rack. It only can mount nothing. There are lots of rails and even a permanently mounted plasti dipped box.

Advertisement

Oppo Modular Car also will have cut gears and can be selected with a gearbox ranging from 3 gears to 9 gears.

What more do you want on Oppo’s Modular Tuner Car?

Share This Story