The wonderful world of cheap bluetooth headphones photoshopped onto stock photos of people exercising

I have cheap-ass Amazon bluetooth headphones that I use at the gym. They’re uncomfortable, don’t sound very good, and occasionally my ear sweat shorts them out and one side stops playing music. Because electrocution by ear sweat seems like a bad way to die, I’m once again shopping for bluetooth headphones.

The reason I only invested $12.69 in SoundBot® SB552 Behind the Neck Bluetooth Wireless Stereo Headset w/ Secure Fit Memory Frame, Ergonomic Human Engineering Over-the-Ear Design, 14.5mm Speaker Driver, 6hrs Playback & 7hrs Handsfree Talk time, 100hrs of Standby Time, Sweat Resistant Silicon, Built-in Mic & Crystal Clear Sound Technology, White is because I got them before I turned into a full-time gym rat.

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But now I am a full-time gym rat, and my SoundBOTs just ain’t cutting it. I still don’t want to spend a big pile of money on headphones that will get all sweaty while I work out, but I want something a bit nicer.

Turns out, bluetooth headphones, like hoverboards self-balancing scooters, are a product made by a million nameless Chinese OEM companies and sold with different logos and different price points by random Amazon sellers.

Your typical Amazon bluetooth headphone listing tries to cram as many details about the headphones into the title, so you see the feature buzzwords in the search results. Each page has several product shots, often CGI renderings rather than real-life photos. Most of them have a picture that shows all the different sized rubber ear bud covers and charging cables and other assorted doodads that come with the headphones, which you will of course lose.

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Then, there’s the Person Doing Sporty Things With These Headphones shot. Without fail, these are a stock photo of people exercising, with the headphones badly photoshopped on to the stock photo model. For example, the stock photo at the top of this post came from the listing for Bluetooth Headphones, Valworld Wirless Bluetooth Earbuds/headset/earphone[running/sports/gym]&[sweat Proof/with Mic Noise Cancelling Stereo]for Iphone 5 6 6s Plus Android S6 Note 3 4 5 Lg Smartphone.

So, here are a bunch of links to cheap shitty Amazon bluetooth headphones and their corresponding Person Doing Sporty Things With These Headphones picture.

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My favorites are the SoundPEATS Q9A because nobody actually dresses like that girl when they go to the gym (but at least she’s got weight lifting gloves on if she decides to do some bench presses in her underwear!), and MPow Cheetah because that’s a great name and they have their MPOW brand headphones photoshopped onto a stock photo of some dude practicing boxing. He could be saying MPOW! every time he air-punches his imaginary opponent.

Also, this dude keeps showing up! He’s like the Fabio of Amazon bluetooth headphone Person Doing Sporty Things With These Headphones pictures!

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Bluetooth Headphones, Wireless Bluetooth Headset, Sweatproof V4.1 Noise Cancelling Headphones Earphones with Microphone & Stereo with Magnetic Attraction (Black)

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Bluetooth Headphones, TaoTronics Bluetooth 4.1 Stereo Magnetic Earphones, Secure Fit for Sport, GYM with Built-in Mic

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Bluetooth Headphones TaoTronics Wireless Earphones for Running with Mic (Bluetooth 4.1, atp-X, CVC 6.0 Noics Cancelling, Sweatproof) Black & Green

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Bluetooth Headphones, TOTU Bluetooth Wireless Headphones Noise Cancelling Headphones w/ Microphone [Gym/Running/Exercise/Sports/Sweatproof], Wireless Bluetooth Earbuds Headset Earphones for iPhone 6/6s,6 Plus/6s plus, 5 5c 5s 4s,iPad Air, Samsung Galaxy S6,S5,S4,S3 Note 4 3, HTC M9 M8 M7, LG Flex 2 G3 G2, and Other Bluetooth Android IOS Smart Cell phones/Devices

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SoundPEATS Q9A Wireless Bluetooth Sweatproof Secure Fit Earbuds (Black)

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SoundPEATS QY7 V4.1 Bluetooth Mini Lightweight Wireless Stereo Sports Headphone - Black/Green

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Bluetooth Headphones QY8 [Update QY7] AYL V4.1 Wireless Sport Headphones Stereo In-Ear Noise Cancelling Sweatproof Headset with APT-X/Mic for iPhone 6 6 plus 5S 4S Galaxy S6 S5 and Android Phones

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Bluetooth Headphones Runner Headset by Phaiser [Premium BASS Sport Earphones With Mic] Best LIFETIME SWEATPROOF Warranty! FREE Carrying Case - Wireless Earbuds for Running with Liquipel Nanocoating!

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Magnetic Bluetooth Earbuds Headset by Phaiser [Premium BASS Sport Earphones With Mic] Best LIFETIME SWEATPROOF Warranty! FREE Carrying Case - Wireless Headphones for Running with Liquipel Nanocoating!

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Bluetooth Headphones, Valworld Wirless Bluetooth Earbuds/headset/earphone,running/sports/gym with Mic sweatproof,for Iphone 5 C 6 6s Plus and Android Galaxy Lg Smartphones

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Parasom P6 Sweatproof Bluetooth Earphones Headphones Headsets W/ microphone Sports/running & Gym/exercise for Iphone 6 5s 5c 4s 4, Ipad New Ipad, Android, Samsung Galaxy, Smart Phones (Black/Yellow)

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Bluetooth Headphone, XS2 Wireless Sport Bluetooth 4.1 Sweat Proof, Noise Cancelling Earbud With Mic for Handsfree Calling for iPhone 6 Plus to 4S, Samsung Galaxy, Note, and Bluetooth Compatible

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Bluetooth headphones, Stoon In-Ear Wireless Noise Cancelling Headphones Earbuds for Running Sports, Sweatproof V4.0 Bluetooth Stereo headset Earphones with Mic for iPhone,iPod, Android(black-red)

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Bluetooth headphones QY8 [Updated QY7] COULAX V4.1 Wireless Sports Earbuds Sweatproof Gym Stereo Headset Built-in Mic/APT-X for iOS Systems iPhone 6s 6s Plus Samsung Galaxy S6 S5 and other Smartphone

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Bluetooth Headphones, V4.0 Wireless Neckband Noise Reducing Headset with Aptx, Handsfree Stereo Earphones with Microphone Magnetic Holders for Smartphones Sweatproof Earbuds for Sports Running (Black)

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Bluetooth Earbuds By iPhax® - Comfortable Headphones Sweatproof Sports Wireless Earbuds, Pairing all Android & iPhone models - Fits all Indoor & Outdoor Activities *LIFETIME WARRANTY* (Black)

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Bluetooth Headphones, Yoyamo Wireless Earbuds Earphones with Mic - High Quality Stereo Sound Sweatproof for Sports - Made for cell Phones as Samsung, iPhone 6 6s and More

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Bluetooth Headphones, Sweatproof V4.0 Wireless Bluetooth Earphones Headset In-Ear Headphones Earbuds with Microphone & Stereo for Sports with Magnet Attraction (Red)

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Bluetooth Headphones Anear Stereo Wireless Bluetooth Earbuds for Sport Running Gym Exercise Sweatproof CVC 6.0 Noise-Cancelling Wireless Bluetooth Earphones W/Microphone Compatible with iPhone 6, 6 Plus, 5 5c 5s 4 and Android—Black & Green

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Bluetooth Earbuds, Axgio Vigour Sport Wireless Headphones Secure Fit in-Ear Headset 8 Hour Running Earphone Earpiece Supported Stream Music Hands-free Call with Mic for iPhone 6S 6 6 plus 5 5S 4S iPad

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Senbowe Bluetooth 4.1 Wireless Sport Headphones / Headset / Earbuds Sweatproof Running Gym Exercise Bluetooth Headsets with Microphone for iPhone,Samsung and other Devices

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[Gen-2 Version] Mpow Cheetah Nano-coating Bluetooth 4.1 Stereo Sports Headphones Sweatproof for Running Gym Exercise Hands-free Calling-Black

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Bluetooth Headset Headphones BHS-930 by phaiser [Best HD Stereo Music] *PREMIUM BASS* with LifeState™ Technology + BONUS **FREE Ion PRO-K Energy Bracelet** - Lightweight Sweatproof Neckband Wireless Stereo Sports Earbuds Earphones for Running & Gym & Exercise & Driving - Bluetooth 4.1 - For Apple Iphone, Ipad, Ipod, Samsung Galaxy, LG and Tablets, PCs and Laptops - Backed by Premium 100% Satisfaction Money Back Guarantee for 60 Days

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Now I need to get me some SoundPEATS. As long as that girl comes in the box.

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