...has a terrible CL listing to match.

I was browsing Craigslist Tokyo and decided to search for Skylines, which is always an emphatically bad idea. Selling things via Craigslist is not popular in Japan (outside of the expat community), so half the people advertising cars are guys in Arizona trying to sell their hot rod to Japanese buyers, while the other half are servicemen at one of the bases selling their poorly-executed, unfinished moneypit out of desperation/because they are being stationed elsewhere/because their wives are making them, or all of the above. This car is one of those.

Also, I really don't need another car. In Tokyo, you have to have a parking cert before you can register your car. In my case it took two weeks of wrangling with my building to obtain. In fact, there's a red 918 Spyder that has been sitting in a Porsche showroom near my place for weeks because the owner is still trying to get his parking certificate. Parking in my area for a year would be way more expensive than the vehicle. I know people with garages full of missile cars, and it still takes a ton of money to keep them stored and inspections current. Still teh GeeDeeAahhh want is very strong, so I sometimes check out CL on the off chance I'll find a good clean R32 GT-R.

Anyway, this recent ad stands out as being particularly douchtastic. And even at $3000, this car is a crackpipe special. From the ad:

If you want a car that will impress brain dead girls... Don't contact me

If you look at yourself in the mirror on a daily basis.... Don't contact me

If you grew your beard and got a tattoo within the last 5 years.. Don't contact me

(Women with beards, regardless of when they grew it, are excepted)

If you are the sort of person who likes to wax your car on the weekend while you take selfies for facebook.. Don't contact me

If you take selfies at all, or have ever done it... Don't contact me

no offers and no hipsters please

Here's hoping the seller finds his, uh, very particular buyer.