I got a call late afternoon yesterday from one of my wife’s friends. 11 hours into the work day, I pick up. She frantically tells me that this house that she thinks is great is for sale. She had apparently called my wife four times in 15 minutes before she called me.

“It’s in one of my favorite areas and it would be perfect!”

“Yeah, I’m not really looking for a house that’s a few blocks from my house...”

“No! It’s great! It just needs some paint. You and [Mrs. Z] will totally—”

“Thanks, but I don’t want to live in that neighborhood.”

“Why don’t you guys just—”

It goes on for another 2 minutes, my face firmly in palm as I tread the waters. Don’t really want to tell one of my wife’s friends to let it go (but with choice words that amount to “blow it out your ass”), but I got close. She’s always offering unsolicited advice. I’ve never asked her for advice in my entire life.

Unfortunately it continues. One of my best friends has sent me about half a dozen texts about why this is a bad time to buy (she just bought a house though hmmm). Monday she sent me the residual values of homes in Snohomish by city. Then followed up with yet another text about it’s a bad time to buy. Why the fuck do you have to tell me this six goddamn times without any provocation I reminded her, again, that she herself just bought. This time did more less tell her to shove it. We have not spoken since.

Have I ever asked her, “Hey, should I buy?” No. Have I ever asked, “Hey can you shit on my dreams some more, remind me how hard it is to find affordable housing here, and also tell me how to spend my money?” No. I get that people want to help their friends, but help should come in the form of support, not telling me what the fuck to do.

When the two above friends told me they were looking for homes, and both eventually bought homes, you know what I did the whole time? Not tell them what they should do, then congratulated them and was happy for them when they bought something.

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Those would be two real-life extremes, but it is a thing. I just hate it when people don’t mind their own business. Some of you may recall the time when my wife enthusiastically told her coworkers she a got a new car she loved, and three people told her, “Ugh it’s a Pontiac. They’re a dead brand. How much did you pay? Too much.” Motherfucker, it’s a goddamn Pontiac Vibe: a freaking Corolla hatchback. Actually my wife someone that and they dismissed and her told her she didn’t know anything about cars. Fucking sexist prick. And you know what? If it was a freaking G6, people should just be supportive and congratulatory and not shitty.

So the house shopping thing is just getting more irksome because people are going out of their way to suggest where I should live, what I should buy, why I shouldn’t buy. It’s our life. It’s our money. Nobody fucking asked you.

For the record, some oppos have told me not to buy or that Everett sucks or whatever. None of which I take personally. I don’t deal with you on the day-to-day basis, we don’t know each other too intimately, and when I put my shit online, I have to expect some dissenting opinions. Just like when I reply with dissenting opinions. I do try to frame them in a positive manner if I can help it. But what you aren’t doing is bombing my phone or posts that have nothing to do with housing with texts like, “Hey, I know you don’t want to live in Marysville but I’m gonna send you 16 links for homes in one of the crappiest parts of Marysville because you should live in Marysville also you shouldn’t buy and also why not remodel or rent actually have you considered underwater basket weaving.”

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Well anyway. That’s today’s rant. Thanks as always.