Here are things I’ve learned about looking for Jaguars on South Jersey and Philadelphia Craigslist: 1) No one has the slightest idea what their car is worth. 1a) It is priced twice blue book, because “luxury.” 1b) it is priced three times blue book, because someone bought a Jag and found out the next month that holy shit, you have to maintain old British luxury cars?” 2) People in this region who own Jaguars are the worst ever.

1) This fucking thing:

Someone buy this fucking thing and destroy it so I don’t have to see it get re-listed every day. Also, and I swear this is true—S-Types actually look better with a front tag.


2) I am not a purple car fan, but this is actually pretty cool. 1998 is a very bad year to buy an XK8/XJ8, but $5900 isn’t crazy-ish for this mark...what the fuck is that on the hood? What did you do? You took your “1 of 300" factory purple Jaguar coupes and you drilled a fucking leaper into its hood? You put a leaper on a Jaguar coupe? Jesus.…



Actually, screw you, I want both of these. NP.

Has rust


4) Has rust.

5) 2004 XJ8 with 92k, $8,000. Hahahahahahahahahaha. No.


6) Check engine light and a gearbox fault message, but it’s totally okay and definitely shifts. “Should be towed.”

7)LOW (93,000) MILES. Not an $11,000 car, pal.


8) See above, but substitute $11,000 for $13,000 and add in an engine liner that sheds like a cat and secondary tensioners that’ll run $1,200–$1,500 to replace.