A sexually transmitted Impreza.

By sitting inside any Impreza, you have a chance of being infected with Sexually Transmitted Impreza-itis. Signs you may be a carrier involve considering purchasing Imprezas, convincing friends that Subarus are good cars, reading up on the history of Imprezas, and conversing with people who own Imprezas.

If you see friends, family, or other people close to you purchasing/driving Imprezas, they too could be carriers of the Sexually Transmitted Impreza-itis.

The good news is that most people are immune to some of the side effects of Sexually Transmitted Impreza-itis. In extreme cases, those infected with the ailment will go out of their way to purchase the guaranteed carriers of Sexually Transmitted Impreza-itis - Imprezas with the WRX branding. Extreme side effects include vaping, driving like a complete moron, and continuous head gasket failure.

Editor’s note: There is no editor. I’m bored. Please send help.