Blah, blah, I only own “completely insane” or “there’s no way a Buick is doing 125.” So instead, a timeline of cars I have <ahem> “made repairs in accordance with the factory service manual and EPA regulations” to, both mine and clients.

Note: my clients do not permit me to take photos of their actual cars in most cases, and I won’t share photos of the really good stuff as it gives away proprietary designs. China is not stealing crap I have literally bled for.

1989 Buick SkyHawk T-Type. Remember these? OF COURSE YOU DON’T. BECAUSE IT’S CAVALIER-RELATED. Also, they all rusted to dust 20 years ago. This one had lost more than 30% of the door skins at the ripe old age of 6. Which just made it faster. Before I did my creative, uh, removal of equipment the factory shouldn’t have installed. Because it made it slower. THAT’S A VALID REASON.

1995 Ford Escorts. A succession of them. In this exact green when I could. And... about this condition. 2 doors, 13" wheels, 4 cylinders, no radio, no a/c, manual everything, not even power steering, and just 2000lbs. With a series of 1.9L CVHs that quickly went from 90HP to 220HP. And a literal scrap heap of transmissions that went from working to not.

Advertisement

1982 Jeep Wagoneer. Now with wood again. (Apparently went back on this week. ARGH, SERIOUSLY!?) Yes, it has those style wheels, but machined in 17" to clear the Wilwood brakes. AMC 360 that totally complies with emissions honest and can light off all four tires with QuadraTrac (BW1339.) This is the “SSJ” I speak of (Super SJ or SuperSonic Jeep. It answers to both.)

Advertisement

This one was hard to find a picture of. What’s Swedish, blue, and incredibly rare? 2000 Saab 9-3 Viggen 5 door in Lightning Blue. 176 Viggens out of 421 imported into the country, 1 of 34 in that color. I see it for alignment fun, refuse to drive it because the owner is a Saab tuner in their own right, and passed ‘uncontrollable torque-steer’ 200 horsepower back.

Remember when you could lease one of these for $199 a month? Boy, I do. Then a couple years later I was asked to look over one in exactly this color. It was prescribed a massive amount of prep to go with a thorough undercoating and rustproofing, refinishing of all four wheels, a ported and polished head, a revised oil pump, and a mild rebuild of the AW4 including all new solenoids. Still on the road with somewhere over 300k miles.

Advertisement

1986 Dodge Daytona TurboZ C/S, Gunmetal Blue Pearlcoat. Picture representative because I am not stupid enough to have T-Tops, and not skilled enough to do my own repaint. I am owner 2. All you need to know is that the steering and suspension on this thing is without any peers, and once you get it up to speed, it is faster than any 80's car ever had any right to be. And you will never get it up to speed because it has no comfort, a 12:1 rack with a learning cliff, and zero tolerance for mistakes.

Advertisement

1998 Jeep Grand Cherokee 5.9 Limited. Gone but not forgotten. The SSJ’s owner bought one of these freshly off lease. 0 to 60 in under 7 seconds and elevenses half a mile long. I fixed the easy shortcomings and was in the middle of researching the JTEC when it was totalled by a riced out Civic. (Went under the body so hard it flipped the ZJ onto it’s side.)

W-Body Regals. So. Many. W-Body. Regals. Some of them relatively mild, some of them spent months waiting for FEA because it required ripping out the floor pan and entire front clip to make room for It’s A Secret. Photo is both representative and actual. 3 are still out there and you’ll never know them even when you see them.

Advertisement

2011 Lancer Evolution MR. Know how Mitsubishi said “we like the US now, but we don’t like you guys, so you can’t have the FQ400?” Remember how I know very well how to import parts from Europe? 2 + 2 = “IT’S NOT A GAS GAUGE, IT’S A PEDAL POSITION INDICATOR!” (Seriously, the owner claimed to get around 6MPG city.) Just waiting for the insurance to confirm it’s totaled after a DUI bro-dozer that couldn’t drive in snow anyway plowed into it hard enough to break the floor pan while it was parked in the driveway.

Advertisement

2015 Buick Regal T-Type P2. Picture actual - this is mine. I refuse to own plain white cars, so yes, that is Diamond White Tricoat. I’ve done horrible, unspeakable, terrifying things to 2014-2017's. They are identifiable though; modified P2 front with GS rear, 19" BBS RS-GT wheels in silver. (There’s more identifiers, but they’re a secret.)

1995 Acura Integra GS-R. Picture actual (and hiding the worst of it, trust me.) AKA the GS-RAWR. 1 owner. Sticker records from the window sticker forward. I have plans. Okay fine the plans are “restore it better than factory, list on BaT with a reserve of half the latest ITR sale.”

Advertisement

2012 Porsche Carrera 4 GTS, Onyxia. Do I really need to say anything more?